Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Discovering What?

I've been listening to quite a few podcasts lately during my commute and I've found the BloggerCon-III podcasts very engaging and interesting. You get to hear from a lot of 'regular Joes' about why they are blogging, what they are blogging about, the problems and triumphs they are experiencing and the state of blogging in general. Definitely an interesting read for someone like me just starting out.

I have a lot on my plate right now (probably too much) in terms of things I want to do, but for the last several years I've been struggling with trying to find my real passion. I want to find that special thing that I could be doing and feel completely fulfilled. Maybe that's everyone's goal, I don't know. But I'm a very introspective person. I have no problems with self-examination to see what it is I enjoy, what I have passion about, what my strengths and weaknesses are.

I have a tendency to really get into things for a little while, pursue them with real vigor, but only for a limited time. I seem to load up on the things that interest me and then grow bored. No actually it's not bored. I always seem to find something else that replaces or supercedes the current thing I'm pursuing. Lately I've come to realize more and more that I am pursuing knowledge in general. I am a real sponge when it comes to certain things.

Over the past 4 years I have pursued certain things with a passion: C++ programming, HTML, Photography (film mostly), digital image work, creative writing, planning and organization, video editing, time management, life management, critical thinking, teaching and now blogging. Do you find it odd that engineering related issues are NOT in that list?!!

And all the time, I have been searching for that one thing that will make me happy in the long term and I haven't found it in any of the things I've listed. I think sometimes that my passion, strengths and future lies not in the actual *things* listed above but more in the acquisition, use and dissemination of that knowledge. I love getting the information. I love using these things to surprise, move or make people happy, and I love to tell or teach them how easy or fun they are to do. I love to explain the things that I'm pursuing almost as much as actually doing them! Maybe there is something here. Maybe I'll find it in the giving and telling, and not so much in the things themselves.

I teach two continuing education college courses (a basic Structures course, and a Methods & Materials in Construction course) in alternate semesters at Humber College. I'm bored or at least not that passionate about much of the material I teach, but I love the actual teaching. I love communicating what I know to them. And I love to see them when they actually get interested - (which, at times can be few and far between).

I think I have two problems (two that is, in this realm of my life - I have loads of problems in other parts of my life): The first is that I have too many things I'd like to pursue, and the second is that I don't know if any of those things is getting me anywhere closer to a goal, any goal. In fact I don't really know what the goal is. It's frustrating me not to have one right now.